First Thanksgiving Night as a dad

The baby is now just over a hundred days old, and he has recently decided that going to sleep requires a full emotional performance. I expected something like this to happen, and I thought I was prepared for it. I told myself I would stay calm, ignore the fussing, and show him that the world does not revolve around him.

Well, the world may not revolve around him, but I clearly do.

At first, we checked all the usual things: when he last ate, the room temperature, his temperature, his diaper, and anything else that might be bothering him. After making sure everything was fine, I figured I would let him finish his chaotic little storms of crying. I assumed he would eventually tire himself out and fall asleep.

That did not happen.
We tried everything we could think of, and he still would not sleep.
After about ten minutes, which is about the limit of my patience, thank you ADHD, I picked him up. He stopped crying immediately and fell asleep in my arms. As soon as I tried to lay him back down on the bed, his back sensors activated and he started crying again.

This went on for a couple of days. During that time, I even started testing his object permanence. If I held a towel in front of his face so he could not see me, he did not cry. The moment I removed the towel and he realized I was not right next to him? He started crying again. Never mind the fact that I was literally behind him the whole time. After repeating this several times, I concluded that my son has officially learned how to notice when his parents are not paying attention to him.

Last night, instead of picking him up again, I tried something different. I held his hands and just talked about random things. He fell asleep.

This tiny human simply wants me beside him so he can fall asleep.

I do not know if there is a single word that describes what this feels like. It is responsibility, warmth, surprise, and several other feelings I did not expect to have.

My son does not know it yet, but he is already teaching me how to be a better human.

On this Thanksgiving night, thank you, my son.